I Blush
Even to say it sounds like a dirty word. Blush. I don’t just blush when someone gives me a compliment and I’m trying to be coy. Or when I feel uncomfortable in a conversation and don’t know how to gently excuse myself. Or when I know I’m saying or doing something contradictory to my best … Continue reading
Fallen Pillars
Time manages to march on when one who held so many others up no longer stands amongst us. A year ago today, my dear friend Rob Grogan lost a long, hard-fought, unjust battle with carcinoma cancer. I knew him from my first years in college, living in our shared adopted home of Fredericksburg, VA and … Continue reading
Writing for Me (Eventually)
I’ve gotten into a bad habit of only writing when I plan to post what I write–either on this blog or in the one publication that still lets me submit (Front Porch Fredericksburg). I am looking for a guide light to lead me toward a writing discipline, a daily habit to reflect my thoughts and … Continue reading
What Speaks to Me
In analyzing “How I Got Here,” and where my mission of self-reflection, personal development, writing and sharing is taking me, I dredged the Internet for bloggers of like mind and similar practice. I wanted to make comparisons and definitions of success, as well as find blogs I actually care to read. In all honesty, I … Continue reading
Work: It’s What I Do
I value hard work. It took me some time to realize the intrinsic link between that value and my worldview. A hard worker is as attractive to me as sculpted arms or deep chocolate eyes. On days I feel unproductive, my sense of self worth plummets. For me, recognizing how I view hard work was … Continue reading
You Don’t Drink?
The Answer I Never Give to the Question I Always Get I’ve never had a DUI or been arrested. I did wake up with my car nose deep in a snow bank and not remember how I got there. I’ve never lost all my money, family or friends to booze. I did lie to … Continue reading
The Power of Truth
Within each day, I come to countless crossroads when I must choose whether to respond authentically. Some critical. “Mommy, why did you pick me up late?” Others mundane. “What time did you wake up this morning, honey?” I sometimes struggle to say what represents my actual thoughts or experience. “Ruth, we talked about what to … Continue reading
The Tempest of Love Addiction
Rushing to revive a lost tug living just below the surface. Rigged to another sputtering engine. A rudderless race. Roving with no true destination. Hitched to another’s helm for survival. Love addiction. An addiction in its truest form: an anticipation of revelry, a fix realized, and the relief that follows. Without constant reassurance the love … Continue reading
A Woman with Intention
Propped on the bedside, nylon stockings stretched under A-line skirt, I stroke his soft cheek. Waiting for him to stir, I cherish a rare quiet moment. I coax him from under the warm covers with soft kisses and a slow back scratch. I intend: To bring him into a new day gently and kindly. To … Continue reading
Do you fear what I fear?
Love doesn’t come the way it once did: a loud patron pushing open an unhinged door and allowing in the evening’s bluster, announcing the need for a seat though no reservation shows on the books. Love isn’t invited the way it once was: by an exposed and impressionable hostess granting not permission but giving always … Continue reading
Where Memories Live
I sat where I sit right now, night after night, at the dining room table that once belonged to our grandmother. We talked. I thought he listened. My words must have sounded hollow. I once again teetered on the brink of losing myself—withdrawing from what I knew I needed in favor of what I thought … Continue reading
Letting My Child Go: A Practice in Saving Me
Yellow buses crawl across the front parking lot, puffing and hissing with each nudge. A mother shuffles her small herd across the sidewalk, smiling and scolding them in turn. Bright headlights wind one after another off the crowded main street, blinking in the early morning light. I crane to watch out the side window as … Continue reading
Divorce and Death: What Was, What Could Have Been
I imagined sitting in a lawyer’s office giving depositions to finalize my divorce would be nothing less than tortuous. Have you been separated for more than a year? Yes. Is there any chance for reconciliation? No. How could such questions—monotonous and unnervingly devoid of emotion—not cause me to collapse in sorrow? Two reasons. These final … Continue reading
Part 5: Washing Away
This is the final post in the Washing Away series–the final run–a recounting of the day in 2013 when I had a trail before me on which to lay my tears. A Trip on the way to Recovery I’m here to keep my promise to return and make peace with the muddy track I remember … Continue reading
Part 4: Washing Away
I don’t usually apologize in my posts, because I figure this blog is what I make it so the only person I should be obligated to is myself. But, I left this one hanging. The four months between posts have no meaning outside of the fact that I had a lot going on (like the … Continue reading
Part 3: Washing Away
On March 15, 2015, a group of Roanoke runners, got together for an annual race. It landed directly on a day holding great significance for me. I spent the sunny Sunday climbing to the Mill Mountain Star with my best friend and little sidekick, and visiting my brother’s grave site. I haven’t run since early … Continue reading
Part 2: Washing Away
Last weekend, on March 15, 2015, a group of Roanoke runners, got together for an annual race. It landed directly on a day holding great significance for me. I spent the sunny Sunday climbing to the Mill Mountain Star with my best friend and little sidekick, and visiting my brother’s grave site. I haven’t run … Continue reading
Part 1: Washing Away
Last weekend, on March 15, 2015, a group of Roanoke runners, got together for an annual race. It landed directly on a day holding great significance for me. I spent the sunny Sunday climbing to the Mill Mountain Star with my best friend and little sidekick, and visiting my brother’s grave site. I haven’t run … Continue reading
Choosing to See
We live with blinders on. It may be self-preservation, or hope-preservation but we don’t want to know or admit how absolutely wrong our fellow human beings can treat each other. Few of us purposefully choose to see the horrors inside our own communities and neighborhoods. Fewer of us intentionally put ourselves in a position to … Continue reading
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