Saying No Hurts So Good

Posted by Ruth Cassell on May 2, 2012 · 6 Comments 

Straight-backed and attentive, I sit in the trendy conference room chair where I’ve been perched for the last two hours, reviewing slide by meticulous slide of the presentation I revised just yesterday.

She turns to me, the frustratingly perfect new VP who conquered the world at the age of 36 and continues to climb to the top of whatever she deems fit to climb.

“Can you have the revisions done by the end of the day?” she smiles genuinely.

Straight-backed and attentive, I nod.

My brain screams no, but my head nods yes.

My brain scans the long list of other tasks I need to complete, but my fingers move to tap into my iPad the new to-do.

My brain asks why revising the presentation is so urgent, but my lips form the words, “Yes, of course I can finish this before the end of the day. It will be good for us to have a chance to look at it again.”

I know I’m not alone in my tendency to people-please. The tendency to say “yes” before I have the chance to think about what it means for the time I wanted to spend with my son, for the run I’ve been promising myself.

Like many women, saying no comes along

with the all too familiar feeling of guilt,

and the ever-dangerous sense of hyper-responsibility.

When I come face-to-face with the opportunity to say no—to do someone else’s job at the office, take over another weekend for the ex-husband, or squeeze another event into an overly-hectic day—I often allow my tendency to please and be responsible for other people’s actions to take over.

I should pull out the “no” I’ve been practicing so diligently. Just ask my (fellow people pleaser) mother or my best friend who lives 300 miles (but thankfully no more than a phone call) away about the pep talks I give myself, telling myself that I am only responsible for me.

But, do I say “no, not right now;” do I stick to the boundaries I’ve set for myself?

I hope one day I can say yes.

Yes, I will say no. Yes, I will complete my current projects before taking on new ones. Yes, I will stick to my own limits and not overextend myself.

The inability to say no creates more anxiety and causes less productivity.

Completing tasks you can do well without sacrificing your own comfort level makes for more quality work with less unnecessary attitude.

Let’s be honest: When you say yes to something like the request to edit a PowerPoint for the third time in two days when you have meetings back-to-back until 5 p.m., the incredulous “excuse me” shows on your face even if you don’t allow it to cross your lips.

A simple, “No, but I will have it on your desk tomorrow before lunch,” would suffice.

First published at www.naryordinary.com 

Filed under Defining Boundaries, Healthy Living, Saying No, Setting Goals, Setting Limits · Tagged with Boundaries, Goals, limits, Professional, Women